10 questions: A, I’m a writer, not a speaker
If you understand the writer and speaker reference above, then—like me—you’re old. LOL. Or, unlike me, you’re older. Hint: The Girl Is Mine by Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney.
Still on the matter of my debut novel, The Cracked Screen.
Sometime last week, an email from my publisher landed in my inbox.
Subject: 10 questions.
Messages from her aren’t unusual and often arrive via WhatsApp. Sometimes, they are long or short texts; other times, just images.
But nothing prepared me for the opening line in this email right after her greeting.
One term smacked me in the face.
“Please... for . . . via video.”
Wait, what?
I read it again. Slowly.
Video?
In front of a camera, and not behind it?
My entire face and, perhaps, body on display for any and every one who’d come across the clip?
Michael Jackson once told Paul McCartney: “Paul, I’m a lover, not a fighter.”
I’m sorely tempted to tell my publisher: “A, I’m a writer, not a speaker.”
And follow it up with a full list of why I’d rather not appear in a video:
- I do better behind the camera lens.
- I’d rather not be the centre of focus.
- Did I mention I’m introverted?
- I express myself fluently in writing, not speech.
But that would get me nowhere.
This is my debut novel. Hearing from the author is part of the package. Seeing the author, too.
To her credit, my publisher laid it out in black and white before going to print. And again after the book was released, despite my attempt to swear that it hadn’t been mentioned.
Still, reading it in cold, hard email text hits differently.
It felt present.
Real.
Inevitable.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.
Still agonising about a looming video.
Which explains why I’ve delayed responding to her email. Normally, I would have replied swiftly in a matter of hours.
Also, those questions, those 10 questions? They drove me into unexpected introspection about the novel I thought I knew inside out. They made me re-examine aspects of my writing I hadn’t fully considered.
At one point while answering #5, I had to stop and ask myself: “All of this came from this book? Whoa!”
Kudos to my publisher. In one fell swoop, she scared the living daylights out of me and humbled me. Thank you, A!
So far, I’ve answered four out of the 10 intimidating questions.
And I noticed something: the longer I let them sit, the bolder I become when I return to them.
Imposter syndrome is real and paralysing. But I must plough through it. I must write the answers first.
Because if I don’t? I’ll end up stammering in that video. And I don’t need that stress on top of an already uncomfortable communication medium.
I’ll attempt more questions this weekend.
Wish me luck, dear reader, and have a great one ahead.
Source: Substack